This is my first blog...and here we go. I thought I'd start this as a way to um, vent. Most of what I post are my opinions but occasionally I may do some research to back up my comments. Everyone has the right to their opinions right? Afterall, this is the USA, freedom of speech.
The first topic I chose is the challenges of being a single mom. You see I am a "temporary single mom". As a wife of a servicemember, we often spend time apart between deployments and long term TDYs or "business trips" that can last 2 weeks to serveral months. I am a mom of three, 2 boys and 1 girl. They are 9, 7, and 1. During a deployment cycle, I am left to care for my children, home and all our possesions all alone. Well not really alone, I have friends and family around the world that I can call or facebook for advise and moral/emotional support, but the day to day responsibilities fall mainly on my shoulders.
I am often asked by people who are not associated with the military or have not lived the "military life" this question: "How do you do it?" I've heard many stereotypes, from ALL military spouses are uneducated or undereducated. (Not true, I have a bachelor's degree and have taken many master's level courses and certification classes) to we are all undergoing some psychological therapy, (also not true, but I bet we can counsel many people just because we have been through so much that we can empathize). In fact, the veteran spouses are super resilient. We won't go into the details of that here (perhaps in a separate blog post). What I really want to talk about is "How do we do it?" How do all single moms get through each day?
This is my story...
I moved to Columbia, SC in 2009. I was 5 months pregnant and had two boys who were at the time 6 and 8. Shortly after we moved here, there were talks about my husbands deployment to Afghanistan. So here we are, adjusting to a new address, preparing for a new baby and now have to prepare for separation where Dad is going to war. How many stressful life events do we have to endure all at once? So, how did I get through it all? Denial and God's grace. God really has alot to do with it! Me and my children go through cylcles of mood swings (hormones and subtle changes with our bodies has a lot to do with this) and psychologically overcoming what "should" be.
So, what are my challenges?
1) Motivating myself everyday to do something.
2) Finding some purpose in life.
3) Relying solely on my own judgement and experiences to make a decision.
4) Accepting the consequences of my decisions, both good and bad.
5) Being a cheerleader, advocate, counsellor, advisor, leader, and the disciplinarian to my children.
6) Being the driver, cook, maid, housekeeper, accountant, maintenance girl, delivery girl, designer, teacher, motivator, coach, mother, daughter/in law, sister/in law, friend, all at the same time.
7) Feeling alone. I'm married but I don't get affections from by husband because he's not here and I too want so much to be held and loved by my man. That is why I married him and we started this family, for that affection.
8) Running errands and being pulled from 10 different directions. Wanting so much to have fun but knowing that there are consequences. If we spend a day away from the home, there is 1 day of housework that doen't get done. I soon figured out that I can have a catch up day. 1 day a week, I don't have to do anything. This is usually a day I don't invite any friends over because my house is in shambles. But its my guilt free day to do nothing. Than the following day, I tell myself to do "catch up" work. This is working well for me so far.
I have to do all these things all by myself...and often it is emotionally exhausting.
I have to remind myself to stay in the moment and think of the positives.
Here are the good things in my life.
1) My children are in a good school with good teachers and they get good grades.
2) We have a steady income (I don't have to work outside the home, thank God).
3) Supportive family, friends and neighbors.
4) We live in a very nice community.
5) We have a very nice new van.
6) We always have food on out table/pantry/refrigerator/freezer, etc.
7) We have God on our side.
8) My children are genuinely good kids. They make poor decisions sometimes, but deep down inside, they are really good kids and I am very proud each of them.
9) We have warm bed to sleep in and nice clothes on our backs.
10) We have choices...from what foods we eat to what we do for fun. Many people don't have this luxury.
Bottom line, sometimes it just sucks being a single mom. From going to bed alone (we have a king size bed and I don't want to sleep in that big old bed all alone) to wanting to take a nap but can't because I have a 1 year old baby who needs to be fed, changed, bathed, etc. But there are moments, these don't happen often but they do happen, when I look at my children and myself and realize, WOW, we've made it through all of this and we are all still standing. There is laughter in my house and I realize we can move on.
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